I have just exited a period of discouragement and seemingly no faith. Thoughts like “what’s the use of praying?
Your prayers are not getting answered anyhow. Some of your prayers have been going for decades. Nothing has changed. Why are you planning this missionary trip? What do you think YOU can accomplish? The task is too big for one person anyhow?” were some of the missiles.
Monday night Dylan and I got together as usual to praise and pray. Both of us were wrapped in a grey blanket. We began to praise the Lord, singing and shouting Scripture, shouting ‘grace grace’ to the mountains in our lives, praising God for the mountains, rebuking the enemy. By the time I left, both our countenances have changed from gloom to shining.
A further step was added to Monday night’s victory. Every morning India-Rose comes to my room to watch a Christian movie. For some time now we have been watching the Ten commandments over and over, and this morning once again we watched the scene with the parting of the Red Sea.
This morning as Candi and I prayed together, as usual, committing the day into God’s hands, she prayed something about my upcoming missionary trip in September/October. Just then a truth opened up to me: the Red Sea has not parted before me BUT as I forge ahead in faith, it opens up step by step. If I hold back in unbelief, it remains closed!
What is scary is that for the past weeks I have had to speak to my soul to be lifted up, making choices to trust God as all seemed black; not an inch of knowing what the future holds. The temptation to just let go and coast along doing nothing, remaining in my comfort zone, was overwhelming. I finally cried out: “Lord, even if I am wrong, I am forging ahead with the missionary journey until YOU show me otherwise.”
AND THEN the above revelation came.
I said several times: ” Lord, I do not want to hang my head in shame when You DO come through.”
When all else fails, stand, stand and stand again.